Good Morning,
I had a profound experience which I am choosing to share. It is unlike anything I have known in this lifetime. Each of the elements of time, space, inner and outer desire came into confluence and presented an almost seamless amalgam of long-held hopes and dreams satisfied. To be more precise...with the eminent possibility of their satisfaction.
I was absolutely stunned that such a thing could even occur! We each have dreams, fantasies, reveries....and do we really ever imagine that they will be completely satisfied...down to the smallest, seemingly impossible detail?
I felt the goal within my grasp, knowing it was absolutely probable that it would be mine. I kept looking heavenward, shaking my head. How could such a stupendous thing even occur? Surely life is supposed to more difficult, surely I was not really worthy of such a gift, surely I did not have THIS much good karma. Wasn't I supposed to learn more through suffering the lack of satisfied desires?
I meditated on it all deeply, and kept turning the outcome over to the ONE. I had my prayers all lined up and ready:
"Beloved Lord, teach me to feel that Thou art the sole activating power, and that in recognition of Thee as the Doer lies the value of all my life's experiences. Teach me to behold Thee as the only Friend, helping and encouraging me through my earthly friends."
"I will Thy will be done. I will my perfect alignment with Thy Divine Will for me now."
I felt far less attachment to material conditions, especially extremely desirous ones, then I have ever felt before. I practiced a technique from Yogananda's playbook, which He had utilized when a surprising desire popped up in His life. He pretended that this unexpected desire was a fait accompli and He was enjoying the absolute fulfillment of that desire in present time. After practicing this for a day, He felt complete, and easily let the desire go.
My desire pattern was not adverse, negative, off-course yet I deeply chose for God to be the major mover in whatever was to come. I did fully enjoy the day practicing the above technique and waited to see what might unfold. I did feel peaceful and not at the effect of the external.
What happened next was indeed surprising. Another element was introduced into the scenario and a key player was absolutely taken with the new possibility. The two of us were then at odds, which had not been the case before. Each of us desiring quite deeply two different and mutually exclusive outcomes.
I laughed ruefully...how interesting that God would play it this way. If either possibility had been an exclusive presentation there would have been no differences! Now this new choice introduced disparity and frustration. I could see no possible way for resolution to occur.
I awoke in the middle of the night and reflected on the whole matter. I had been studying SRF Lesson #4 on Friendship.
"One who has given his friendship to another gladly forgoes selfish pleasures or self-interest for the sake of his friend's happiness, without consciousness of loss or sacrifice, and without counting the cost."
I fully confess I wept and wept at the prospect of having to give up my "perfect dream" for the sake of my friend's happiness. How could I do that? It just seemed too hard. And yet...another voice, a deeper, soulful voice was whispering it was definitely my next step.
I kept working with it, and with the various prayers and affirmations with which I have been permeating myself. (Underlining is mine.)
"Each morning I offer my body, my mind, and any ability I possess to be used by Thee, O Infinite Creator, in whatever way Thou dost choose to express Thyself through me. I know that all work is Thy work, and that no task is too difficult or too menial when offered to Thee in loving service."
So if no task was too difficult, then I COULD pull this off! I meditated and prayed until gradually my soul got the upper hand and my ego started to calm down and listen. One truly convincing thing...I knew if I could make this large of a concession in my desire to live Divine Friendship, all the little concessions, and patiences, and give-ups would be a piece of cake!
I also knew that I could never allow resentment or expectation of appreciation or whatever to taint the purity of my motive. This had to be a clear, permanent decision and the ego could never be allowed to sneak back in and nay-say it.
I finally returned to bed 3 hours later and slept like a baby. I awoke up in Peace and absolutely cherished the change in my consciousness. Something had definitely switched. When I saw my eyes they had a sparkle in them that I had never really seen before.
I have been experiencing a different way of relating and living my life ever since. And though I had no expectations my selfless expression must have triggered something because I have been receiving much love and sweet appreciation generally. There has been nothing around the "story" specifically AND I have such a wonderful hope and joy for the unfolding future.
I really do not know how this "story" will actually turn out...and you know, I don't really care. I DO know that God and Gurus have my back and as long as I receive whatever is presented in the context of my own growth and advancement, and try my best to utilize it in that way, all that comes can only be for my Greater Good!
I choose to live my Divine Friendship with each one dancing the Dance of Life with me....I know the ego is a sneaky little devil, and sometimes it will outwit even my strongest and best intentions, AND I also know I have a whole posse of Saints and Sages that are not only cheering me on...but taking much of the sour and transforming it into the Sweet. That's just what They do! They, truly, know how to be the most perfect Divine Friends!
Loving you always, k
