Inshallah
Darkness October 2011
I have been waiting all "day" (who knows?) to be hungry again after breaking my 3 day fast. This "morning" I had brown rice cereal with banana and found it incredibly filling. In the Dark everything seems much larger than it actually is. I'm not sure why. I always lose weight here as I only eat two meals daily and they seem large...but after I get out of the Dark I notice portions I thought were large just are not.
In the Light I break fasts with foods I enjoy...regardless of how at odds these foods may be as fast-breakers. This habit has very rarely caused any digestive problems. Apparently attitude is everything, haha.
I am considering having salad now and the fact that it will be cold is not very appetizing. My pyche is telling me, "I'd rather pass". Still, if we all ate what was available rather than what was desired, do you realize how much less obesity there would be? If we were able to re-train our palates and only craved what was good for us, we still would be thin because those wholesome foods jsut don't make anyone fat!
The Dark definitely allows me to examine my relationship with food. Doing so, I desire to change it. Because of both the ample spiritual sustenance available and the time and ability for excellent self-care (daily hatha yoga, 6 rites, bodyworking tools, sound healing, good sleep and good nutrition, and even a delightful daily bath time) the desire for unhealthy external soothing definitely subsides. Instead of satisfying addictions (food, sex, excitement, retail therapy and endless outer pursuits) perhaps it's past time for us to pause and consider what about our lives leaves us so empty that we feel compelled to fill them with stuff, activity, sense satiation.
I know I can fix this. It requires pushing the pause button and taking honest inventory of how I am living my life. It IS my life, after all, I do get to choose how I spend it! If I am needing anything "out there" I am not taking care of myself in both large and small ways.
Living so simply here, yet so happily, I know I can create happiness and peace "out there" as well. I must put my spiritual needs first and my healthy self-care second. I will be totally capable of whatever my karma has in store for me, or my Guru has arranged for my continued upward growth. Perhaps that salad has a place in my near future. I'm thinking about it, haha.
P.S. The salad was FANTASTIC. Who would've thought?? Of coruse, it was created under Sri Yukteswar's fabulous direction and He does everything GREAT. It was so wholesome too! Taste buds can be trained apparently, haha.
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