Inshallah
Good Morning!
I was meditating for 4 hours every day for about 3 and a half years. It was totally will-driven. I decided I should step into longer daily meditation if I was choosing Liberation in this very life-time. Within a short period near the end of that time I was advised twice to meditate LESS by ministers. The first time I just ignored it and thought it quite strange advice. The second time I could feel the ax-blow to my will and my commitment and soon after I stopped that practice.
For a while I still meditated quite a bit daily and most of the time I did both Kriya l and 3/4. However, my mind starting working me and I no longer had the big push of my former unalterable commitment to fall back on. I saw days when I was meditating much less...and a couple where I barely did my vowed Kriyas twice.
I was well aware of the effect on my life. I was less Connected albeit in some ways more relaxed. I also felt pretty confused as to my next step. I waffled along for awhile....rarely meditating as much yet sometimes quite a bit.
Here I am at Inshallah which always provides me insight and spiritual Guidance. Lesson Study underlines the requirement of ever deeper, longer, thirsty Guru-given meditation.
I began feeling desparate regarding my resistance to meditating more. It was strange, because when I did I always loved it. It was just a matter of getting my butt in the chair!
Finally I began soulfully praying for assistance to overcome my resistance. Last night I had a vivid dream about WILL. I was instructing someone else and I was saying that I knew I had a strong will. I chose to use it because I did not choose for another aspect of my being, other than my Spiritual Self, to be in charge.
I awoke and realized I was speaking to myself! I DO have a strong will...I have chosen not to engage it recently in terms of length of meditation. I got up immediately and began my morning routines. I was down in the training room early and I meditated for close to three hours...and it was JUST FINE!
This has really taught me much about my own will. It is not a question of having the will to do the right thing....it is an issue of ENGAGING the will to do so!!
I know I can truly do whatever I put my mind to....it's utter b.s. that my senses, or desires, or whatever are stronger. I just give them the reins and step back from my own nobility. I KNOW the right/wise thing I should do all the time...I don't have to "try"...I just have to DO!
I also realize it was reading the Lessons that made me REMEMBER...it is ALWAYS wise to have the Great Ones' input!! Our environment IS very important. We MUST pack it with teachings, readings, people, places, and things that REMIND us of the TRUTH of WHO WE ARE!! (Also, we must be willing to systematically remove that which leads us in the wrong direction!)
We are Children of the ONE...we CAN do ANYTHING. It is up to us to choose those actions and environments that WILL AWAKEN US FULLY to the Incredible, Unlimited, Immortal, ALL-Powerful and Perfect beings we are.
Let's stop living small and GET ON WITH IT!!
Loving you always, k
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