Source Seminars

Disidentification is FUNDAMENTAL

INSHALLAH

Good Morning!
I  have been choosing to write this blog for days and during the Journey there is little time in addition to keeping my commitments to sadhana and exercise.  It must've been Monday that I had the clear realization that it really comes down to disidentifying with the ego.  I believe when that is accomplished, along with a deep desire and love for God, of course, it's GAME OVER.  Truly, this dance of Cosmic Delusion IS a GAME...and nothing more.

I was doing my reoccurring examination of the multi-flawed "contraption" I call ego during my meditation.  So many flaws...so little time.  You know the drift.  This particular non-productive habit of mine, eroding the peace of my meditation, always lays a burden on my heart.  AND...if I am aware I always can hear the ONE or my Teachers remind me I AM NOT MY EGO!

I DON'T have to make my ego "perfect" to be with God...frankly, that's an impossible task.  I do believe I must keep working on it...making it a better version of itself, so it creates less havoc in my and others' lives.  Yet...truly, what is really essential is my detachment, my disindentification with it.  I must CONSTANTLY remind myself that I am the beautiful, all good, eternal, and ever-loved SOUL beneath the contraption.  Somehow my soul got tangled up  with it, enmeshed with it, when it foolishly became attached to the senses and this external fraud world.  Now, my focus must be to extricate it from that mess.

I saw clearly that when I, my soul, am fully free of ego identification, there will be NO connecting link to pour the negative karma, ignorance, false input that flows from the ego into my Awareness.!!  I will be FREE...even of my (actually my ego's) past misdeeds. 

It is SO EASY to see the affects of this mis-alignment during the training,.  Time and time again we instruct the participants to detach themselves from the insidious comments and sly maneuvers of their egos to maintain clouded control of their lives.  Those put-down voices they hear in their heads are their egos attempting to keep them down and asleep.  Those old, tired habits, that never did bring them joy, are one of the main weapons the ego uses to retain it's captured territory of the body-mind.

We must get in the habit of saying "My ego...." rather than "I", when saying anything negative or limiting about ourselves.  Our souls are pure and perfect...we MUST make this demarcation clear in all expression both to ourselves and to others.

We must STOP and analyze WHO is deciding on a self-destructive course...often related to sense attachment.  Does this action, plan, intention serve our SOUL, and our FREEDOM,  or is it part of the negative habit-arsenal used by our egos against us?

Mostly, however, I believe it's the negative self-talk that does us the greatest disservice. We must NOT identify with our failings... they ARE NOT our failings!!  They are the failings of the ego...and ONLY the  ego.

Tear off the blinders and reach for the Hand that Loves you and is doing all IT can to pull you out of the mire of sense addiction and false belief.  We deserve nothing less than Full Freedom in the Bliss of the ONE.  We are NOT these tiny bodies in these form boxes...we are INFINITE GOOD.  We can create galaxies!!  We've just forgotten WHO WE ARE.  NOT EGO.  As I am fond of saying, "E.....GO!!

Loving you! k

When the glass seems "half empty"

Inshallah

Good Morning!

I'm in my "Turn this sow's ear into a Silk Purse" mode.  Inshallah does that...it KNOWS how to purify!
Having Bobbi here is both incredible inspiration (she's got it licked as far as Liberation, in my opinion) and also a bit depressing.  Watching someone of her spiritual calibre makes me painfully aware of how far I have yet to go.  She is endlessly patient, serviceful to a fault, ever-willing to step up no matter how emergent, urgent, or even unreasonable the demand.  She is constantly looking for ways she can improve and receives "criticism", if one can even call it that, patiently with an even and open mind...ready to do whatever it takes to make things smoother and  better.

Then there's me.  I am hoping I can eradicate my internal triggers in time to be able to immigrate to Hiranyaloka, where "emotion bombs" wouldn't last a hot minute.  Of course, all the other glaring character defects come to mind in the magnifying glass Inshallah provides.

Then I remember.  I have a whole posse of Saints that come each time I call... when I ask....They do all They can to move me forward.  The Presence here is absolutely palpable.  When we did the opening staff meeting, staff were in tears as they felt deep longing for Home.  Yes...HOME, and all that that implies, sends quite a siren call in this sacred place.  I notice my dreams are spiritually filled and mantra is often running through my head.  As much as I am more acutely aware of the far piece I have yet to travel...equally my spiritual tool box seems more accessible and at the ready.  What is that saying, " Of whom much is given, much is expected"...and vice-versa.  That's how Inshallah feels.

So what are my options when visited with the reality of the mammoth task of dismantling this sticky, gargantuan ego?
1 Attach myself, and my predominant identification, to my pristine soul and not my funky ego.
2.CALL FOR ASSISTANCE!  My Teachers and my Community of Saints are ever at the ready...just waiting for my invitation to provide support in WHATEVER way required.
3. Stay in the MOMENT...rather than reviewing past stumbles or future possible falls.
4. MEDITATE, MEDITATE, MEDITATE.  Nothing serves to bring me back to my innate Divinity and the Inflow of Truly Loving Love like meditation.
5.  Before bed, and anytime I can slip it in, read some of my Teacher's incredibly helpful writings.
6.  Keep up the mantra or singing to God as much as I can...to replace those "other" thoughts that choose to bring me down.
7. Practice Kindness and Love...for the channel is blessed by what passes through it.  Uplifting others is a sure way to uplift oneself!  We ARE all ONE.
8. TRUST and keep calling on the ONE with unquenchable thirst and longing.  God WILL Come whether we have made ourselves perfect or not!  God CANNOT resist the one-pointed Call of our heart's LOVE.
9. Be Authentic and Honest...when we are sincere the sly ego can't find a place to hide in denial.
10.  See the glass half FULL, in hope.  We KNOW WHY we are here and WHERE we are headed...if we just keep keeping on, one foot in front of the other, we WILL reach our Journey's GOAL.

Loving you...and feeling much better, k
 

On Prayer and Posture

Good Morning!

Two things were pronounced at yesterday's 6 hour meditation which I will share, both revealed in the blog title.
One of our dear grads and active blog subscribers (often sends comments after reading) had been deeply considering/praying about attending our final SuperAdvanced in April.  A couple of days ago, through a seemingly miraculous turn of events, a prior commitment scheduled during that same time was canceled.  Things were opening up and it was looking good.  I was particularly elated as I have a lot of love and admiration for this grad's very close walk with Christ.   I have been hoping for year's they would be coming to Super.  The night before my 6 hour I got an email saying the group that had canceled the prior engagement (a business event) was now reversing their decision.  Exchanging emails, I told the grad I would "lean on Jesus" at my long meditation regarding this difficult situation.

Yesterday morning during my prayers and extensive meditation I clearly saw the type of "prayer" that really works for me.  I know prayer works, I'm not sure how, and I believe it might have something to do with our own loving energy assisting to shift a weight of negative karmic residue blocking others' or our own Highest Good.   In other words, since we ARE all ONE...some of our focused and well-intentioned energy can be utilized to move negative energy aside from our own or others' karmic paths.

I also know that I am not a God-Realized being by any means, and what I perceive as "negative" may be 100% PERFECT for another soul to experience for them to move ahead on their spiritual journey.  Who am I to say that an illness, tragedy, loss of an experience or even of a life, is not EXACTLY the best possible outcome for another soul?

I do trust and surrender to my Great Ones, to another's Great Ones (sometimes this is definitely a struggle of my will vs. THY WILL) and to the ONE.  They DO know what's best for my own and others' evolution and They can handle all with Their Capable Hands.  So, when I pray about a specific situation or outcome, I endeavor to say something like "If my prayer energy is useful in assisting in this matter for it to have the Highest Outcome, I offer it to You.  However, I totally trust and surrender to whatever YOU know is best."

When our prayers can be used to ASSIST, they are!  And it is a wonderful thing to pray to assist ourselves and others.  If the situation does NOT go the way we prayed for...obviously, They know something we don't...and All is STILL well!

Last night it appeared that things were moving for this grad to be with us...and there is still one more piece that must fall into place.  I am human, of course I will be thrilled if I see their very shining face at Super.  And if I don't...well, God had another plan and that's "okay".

The other piece from yesterday's med involved posture.  We and a majority of our Holy Land Level IV's have been working with my beloved chiropractor, Phil, and his associate, on ideal meditation posture.  I saw him the day before the 6 hour and another revelation in the posture pursuit emerged.  Yesterday I experienced a degree of proper spinal alignment I have NEVER before experienced in my nearly 40 years of meditation.  It profoundly affected my experience and performance of one meditation technique in particular.  After hours, my body, conditioned to sitting in old, inferior ways, started to complain.  I think that is normal when retraining muscles.  Still, I was so overjoyed with the affects of the earlier experience, it was difficult to keep meditating instead of mentally composing this blog!

If you live in my local area (San Diego County) or even in California, I strongly recommend you schedule a posture consultation with Dr. Phil.  If you are flying in for any one of the next 3 trainings we have, or the ones in June, work it out to see him...preferably BEFORE the training you are attending.  It will make a HUGE difference in your experience of the meditations done at Inshallah, I assure you!  Contact him at 760 942 9700.  His fee is very reasonable ($75 per hour) and if economically essential, you may be able to "share" your appointment with another friend or family member to split the cost.  I believe he often does this work on Fridays.  You know I rarely ever write up such a rec yet in this case, I feel very strongly.  As for our Level IV's and Super attendees...JUST DO IT!!

Loving you, as I sit up straight and Pray to remember to do so! k

Receptivity vs. effort

Good Morning!

We have 3 trainings coming up just about back-to-back so the "busyness" has been overcoming the blogging.  Today in the Dome, however, it was clear it was time to share!

Yesterday, through some foolishness, I decided I could finish the last 1/2 hour of my morning 3 hours of meditation sometime during the day.  Ha! It was after 11:30PM before I sat down to put in that hour and a half remaining.  We all know that wasn't one of my more stellar meditations.

I arose 5 hours later and I was not very spiritually grounded.  When I got to the Dome I felt scattered and tattered.  I knew one thing...I definitely was going to complete all 3 hours in the morning!

I felt spent and I eyed the clock ominously.  The idea of pushing through, efforting boldly, was not working.  Suddenly I thought of an affirmation, "I am receptive to the inflow of Thy All-solacing LOVE".  I visualized an avalanche of LOVE pouring upon me...washing away the weariness of too little sleep, and too much to "do".  I remembered that LOVE is ALWAYS there for me, ever at the ready, to ease my way and sooth my self-created chafing.
I felt IT coming in...I did not have to "do" anything to be worthy of it.  I just had to ASK and LOVE was mine!

I considered how I kept seeing that Tremendous Love in the way the world views things.  I had to "earn" it...I had to do more and more to prove I was worthy of it.  NOPE!  That LOVE is FREE to all who request IT'S all-desire-quenching liquid peace.  Why? I pondered.  Because that LOVE is just LOVING ITSELF as expressed in my little life form.  IT has excellent Self-Esteem.  IT loves ITSELF no matter how ITSELF presents.  IT loves itself in me, in Taj, in the rocks....no end to that LOVING ITSELF.  I looked at Taj laying next to me, curled up on his little bed.  Did I love him less because he appreciates me less than....nearly EVERYONE?   Would I take less care of him, solace him or nurture him less, if he was absolutely oblivious to my contributions to his life?  NO....and he largely is!  I thought about the ONE...which loves each bit of the ONE'S Creation equally and hugely.  It doesn't really matter if it's in the form of a rock or a Savior...LOVE JUST LOVES ITSELF. It's the Nature of IT'S BEING.

I am the one that puts all the conditions on THAT LOVE.  I am the one that thinks I must DO, DO, DO...to make myself worthy to be loved.  EFFORT, EFFORT, EFFORT....and yet it is RECEPTIVITY which allows the LOVE in!

I was doing my Kriyas...and it was as if I were sitting on a hotplate.  My lower chakras were so full of energy I could barely sit there.  I just wanted to bolt.  THEN...I thought...why not ask my Teachers' assistance?  Yes...and why don't I do that more often!!  I 'saw' Them standing on either side of me, and with Their stabilizing Presence, the Kriyas moved up and down my spine with ease and grace.  I know our Beloveds DO live in our hearts...and if we call Them forth, THEY DO COME!

Some sad, disconcerting thought appeared and I knew it was from that contraption to my side I call my ego.  I heard in my mind, "Don't listen to that contraption...and don't ask it for any input.  It doesn't know a thing!"

I must lift that heavy mass off the Sparkling Bit trapped underneath.  The Sparkling Bit IS One with the ONE.  It just must be allowed to get out from underneath the ego!

Right now I can see it is NOT about effort...it is about RECEPTIVITY.  It is about allowing the assistance of the ONE and our Teachers into our lives.  They can assist us to meditate well, clean houses well, write well, play well.  In fact, in Truth, They can do most of it for us...we are only in for 25%.  We just have to REMEMBER TO ASK and BE RECEPTIVE TO THE INFLOW.

At the end of the meditation, I felt WHOLE and HEALED.  All those tattered edges were gone.  To be sure, I will go to bed early tonight AND The ONE and IT'S Generals are making today much sweeter for me.  Interestingly, The ONE chooses for me to go running.  Ah...the ONE must Like my singing then. :-)  By the way...the last verse to my first song came while I was on Retreat.
Victor o'er duality
Separation gone, I'm merged in Thee
Merged in Thee, Merged in Thee
I'm Merged in Thee!

Loving you, without effort! k

On Anger

Good Morning!

Yesterday I floated through the day on the wings of my 6 hour Thursday morning meditation.  Just before bed I decided to pick up a few things around the house and then hit the sack.  Dennis, not noticing what I was doing, made the request that I PLEASE pick up the house on Friday!  Well...my biggest trigger perhaps (ah...so many to choose from ;-) is when he either makes no comment when I DO pick up the house and then says something like "That cup shouldn't be here" when the rest of the house is PERFECT, OR tells me to do something when I am ALREADY doing it!  Surely, you can guess what happened?  The precious peace of the 6 hour was unceremoniously tossed out the window.  Actually, this time I SAW myself doing it.  I made the totally ego-based decision to jump on the ANGER bandwagon.  I also used the Lord's name in vain and consciously did that too!  I do believe the 6 hour provided these unusual powers of observation...yet I still made the fatally flawed choice to SINK my boat of peace.

At the end I said that it never did any good anyway....he was just going to do the same thing again, as he had  over the past 20 years.  In other words, I had chosen to explode for NO GOOD REASON AT ALL.  Anger has never worked in the past to modify this particular trigger in our relationship.  There were no 'pros' about what I had done.

On the "cons' side, however, was a tidy list.  I could feel the rent in the fabric of my consciousness.  I had dreams of children and adolescents being instructed on how to behave.  I woke up early and was too restless to be in the Current for long.  I got to the Dome and my thoughts were running amok, occupied with the ripple-effect of my foolish choice.  It will affect other parts of my life and add more stress. 

I usually have a lovely meditation following the Thursday 6.  Ha!  My thoughts ran after one another like restless pirates.  I solemnly considered my Kriya.  How in the world would I ever be able to do 108 inspired rounds?

I considered going back in the house and taking up bat and pillow.  I noticed that I was STILL angry a bit...and then I noticed other things that had been building an anger island within me.  I decided against it as I would wake Dennis as it was still dark and early morning. 

I picked up my armrest for Aum technique and put it down shortly thereafter.  Such a struggle.  I started again with AUM and by the Grace of God, I heard a loud sound that was NOT external.  It was a gift...far louder than what I generally hear...and I realized it had been tossed as a life-preserver to get me out of the choppy sea I, myself, had created.

When I began Kriya it was far easier than I thought it would be.  Again, GRACE.  By the end, I had the Peace back and felt very, very grateful.  I had also noticed that this Anger had been building up within me for some time.  Some of it was towards myself.  I had recently realized, with great pain, that I had wasted many precious years by not doing my Kriya technique nearly as well as I should have.  I had prayed deeply at my Teacher's Special Service on Monday and this realization just crashed over my head.  I had sobbed about it in remorse and I know now there was definitely self-anger and lack of self-forgiveness.  Other things too were anger-collectors.  I had failed to notice how my profanity was increasing and my less than kind judgments of other drivers were more frequent.

I saw how my lack of introspection robbed me of some of the solutions to the growing anger bubble within me.  Bat and pillow would have served me well much earlier and very possibly prevented my unpleasant, peace-ravaging experience last evening.  I did use them this morning and yet...earlier would definitely have been wiser.   Self-love would have done wonders and some good heart to hearts consciously forgiving myself.

I had noticed in recent meditations that all thought of others, particularly apparent in meditation, was PROJECTION.  Anything critical was about ME, NOT them!  That was a red-flag that I was beating myself up and projecting outward!  In the dark I remember how obvious it is...thought of others is ALWAYS projection.  Thought of the Great Ones entrains one's vibration into Their Higher vibration.  Thought of peers is just a way for the ego to play!  Katie's rule, "It's THEIR business, not mine," is SO TRUE!

I have decided that my indomitable will is the way I am going to beat this trigger.  I must REMEMBER how it screwed up my meditation, my sense of ongoing peace and happiness, and my plans.  When the trigger happens, I must use the same will I can use productively in other situations to overcome the desire to go on an ego-rampage.  I can get the bat and pillow right then, or go for a walk if I am not home, or go out to the car, roll up the windows and holler.  Since all of those options are designed for release not revenge, I don't think they will mess with my aura.  They will allow letting go and a reclaiming of Peace.

Of course, it would be great if I just didn't TRIGGER.  One step at a time.  Meanwhile, I think I'll invite Dennis to set me off again so I can try my new strategy out.  He reads these so I just did! ;-)

Loving you as I choose PEACE, k

The World is a FRAUD...Remember?!

Good Day!
I had the unusual Guidance to turn on my computer today, BEFORE meditating.  When I did, I discovered it would not work at all.  I never would've been able to work this problem out had this not come up before Dennis left for a very busy day.  With his assistance, we got a hold of Dell and long-short, I'm back on board!

A small example of how a VERY Loving God watches our backs.  I am sure I miss most of these "saves" from the ONE I love!

I got out to the dome late and a tad restless.  I then wondered why I would feel that way when I was entering to spend time with the ONE I love the most...and who undoubtedly loves me more than anyone else in my life!  I realized it was just HABIT...the world reels you in and makes you think it's important...what a JOKE!

When I got down to "business" and starting doing my Kriya I entered a whole other world!  I found that little nook tucked away in solitude...my SPINE!  In that holy temple I worshiped the ONE completely...and I saw so clearly how very foolish we are to let ANYTHING dissuade us from our own Spiritual Growth!  There will ALWAYS will be reasons why the world will be "more important".  Duties to our friends, our families, our work, our schools.  The ego will use every bit of ammunition it can find to keep us locked up!!  Yet when I was there, in that innermost hermitage, nothing out here was a bit magnetic!!  I could see it for what it was...just a big DREAM, a big distraction from the TRUTH.  We ARE truly, truly DIVINE PRODIGY of a LIMITLESS Father-Mother-God.  How do we get so lost and wrapped up in all this worldly this 'n that?  Ironically, the more we Vote for God...the more God can get through and make our ways smooth and easy.  Just like what happened with my computer today.

I spoke to a wonderful grad today who had gone to India on Level IV.  He voted for God...put his Search for God and his Spiritual Development first!  When he came home he found out that the loan had defaulted and he was going to lose his house!  Wow...certainly sounded ominous.  Ha!  Turned out to be the best thing that could have ever happened to him.  Long-short, he and his family now live in a 3 story dome overlooking the rural outback.   I must say, I felt envious.  He is living his dream...taken out of the Real Estate biz at exactly the right time for him...he now works in an industry that is feeding him better.   Interestingly, another grad from that same training was threatened to be fired if he went with us..even though he had asked for and received permission 8 months earlier.  First few days of the training he expressed his deep fear...he was a prime breadwinner.  Shortly, though, he was experiencing so much Spiritual and personal growth he made peace with it, and felt fine.  He got home, he got fired! (With 6 months severance.) The first email he read after that was from a former employee who suggested he might like a job where this man worked.  He interviewed.  He was hired...at a larger salary, closer to home, with much nicer people!  He then enjoyed receiving DOUBLE paychecks for the next 6 months!!

A number of you have asked why Source Journey is ending...I wasn't sure until today.  I KNOW now I am to spend more time in that Spinal Hermitage...my Beloved, quite simply, chooses more of me!

Don't get the bath water mixed up with the baby!!  You are NOT here to DO!  Whether that's graduating from college or getting a promotion or "saving for retirement".  Those things are great AND REMEMBER.  Your first and foremost Priority must be to REALIZE YOUR ONENESS WITH THE ONE!!  It doesn't preclude such other things...unless sometimes it does.  Those are difficult times... when you must CHOOSE.  Every time I have chosen God I have never regretted it!!  He's picked me up EVERY SINGLE TIME!  Even in the exam hall...when He changed the minimum passing grade on a crucial test given by the State of California.  Yes...it happened to me too! (For those of you who have heard a similar story in the AY).

I talk to so many grads...and it all really comes down to Highest Choice.  It's So Simple really...and I think we always KNOW.  Take the Direct Line HOME.  Do your best wherever God places you AND take the Direct Line HOME. 

The World is a FRAUD.  The World is a FRAUD.  The World is a FRAUD.
Remember?

Loving you...and "hermitage-bound", k

Reversing the Magnetic Flow

Good Day!

I am so happy right now!  I have been in the Current a longer amount of time through the night and in the morning so by the time I get to the Dome I have essentially completed most of my meditation.  "Completing my committed amount" is just a non-issue.  Because of that, the clock has really receded in import and I am just going with it.  The result is that I am meditating more than ever...hours more I guess...and this saturation is just putting me over the top!  I can't keep the grin off my face!  So, this morning I was asking and receiving very clear Guidance about who to call, and who not to call, in my enrollment efforts for the Journey and the Super coming up very soon.  It's just saving me SO MUCH TIME and it's such ease and grace.  Anyway, I was told to contact a grad who came through in 2000 and when he picked up the phone, which I wasn't expecting..thought he'd be at work...he just said, "This is AMAZING timing.  When I started asking him about coming to Super I got so many chills running through my body I had to sit down!  This happened twice...and he said the same thing was happening to him!  Needless to say, he'll be at Super, and I got the clear sense there is something much BIGGER involved...something we don't even KNOW yet.  Super is over half full and there are more people still seriously considering it than there is room.  I can feel there is some kind of "collecting" happening...I don't understand it...but it sure feels good.

Anyway, I am choosing to write about something I have been experiencing which I read about in the Yoga of Jesus a few days ago.
Yogananda says:
"Every time one meditates deeply, he automatically helps to reverse the life force and consciousness from matter to God.  If the current in the astral knot at the base of the spine is not lifted up by good living, good thoughts, meditation, then materialistic thoughts, worldly thoughts, base thoughts, are emphasized in one's life.  With every good act man performs he is "ascending to heaven"---his mind becoming more focused at the Christ Center of heavenly perception; with every evil act he is descending into matter, his attention captivated by the phantoms of delusion.

The... senses are like five searchlights revealing matter.  As the life energy pours outward through those sensory beams, man is attracted by beautiful faces or captivating sounds or enticing scents, flavors, and tactual sensations.  It is natural; but what is natural to the body-bound consciousness is unnatural to the soul.  But when that energy is withdrawn from the autocratic senses, through the spinal path into the spiritual center of infinite perception in the brain, then the searchlight of astral energy is cast onto the boundlessness of eternity to reveal universal Spirit.  The devotee is then attracted to the Supernal Supernatural, the Beauty of all beauties, the Music of all music, the Joy of all joys.  He can touch Spirit all over the universe and can hear the voice of God reverberating throughout the spheres.  The form dissolves in the Formless.  The consciousness of the body, confined to a temporal, little form, illimitably expands into the formless, ever-existing Spirit."

So, the more we spiritualize our lives by choosing to invest our time in ways that spiritually uplift us, the more we reverse the magnetic flow from an outward material path to flowing back inward to the spine.  Kriya yoga is so powerful because it magnetizes the spine more and more every time a kriya is performed. 

All of the above was written 3 days ago.  I have been researching, attempting to locate some writing of my Teacher's which was really helpful to me regarding all this.  Since I have not been able to locate it, I have decided to paraphrase what I remember reading and get you the exact text when I come upon it again.

In a nutshell, He said that as we create this magnetic pull toward the Inner and away from the outer, materialistic, "fraud" world at some point it just switches!  In other words, the Inner Pull becomes overwhelmingly stronger and we no longer have to fight with our egos, our materialistic desires, our non-Awareness-producing habits!  We are innately drawn to our Highest Choice WITHOUT STRUGGLE!!

Ever since I read that I have been doing whatever I can to build my "Inner Magnet".  I regard each Kriya I practice as one more thread wrapping around the spinal magnet that will draw me to the ONE. 

I have been waking up in the night and staying in the Current, and in God-Communion as long as possible.  I am not concerned with falling back to sleep...I am diving as deep as I can to magnetize myself to the Inner.  When I do awaken I often still put in a full three hours or more in the dome.  The more I saturate myself with the One...the more I am pulled more easily and quickly to the ONE.

Let me liken this experience to one I heard from a Source Grad.  They have not eaten sugar for a year and a half.  I was so impressed...I complimented them for their forbearance!  Their reply, "When I taste sugar now it doesn't even taste good to me.  It tastes weird.  I prefer fruit and natural sugars and am not even attracted to sugary things."

As we reverse the flow of our energy from outward to inward, the things that used to attract us in the material world begin to lose their luster and appeal.   They seem gaudy at best, tawdry at worst.  We must take every opportunity we can to build this Inner Magnet!!  It's "Energetically Scientific".   Yet, devotion still has it's place.  We can regard each action as one more way we are approaching our Divine Beloved!

I know there is more to this practice...it is as if it were being revealed to me, so in turn it will be revealed to you.  Many little aha's which I don't remember...yet I trust I will again be shown...so I may then share them with you!

Inwardly Magnetically yours, k

We've got it all turned around!

Good Morning!

I've been watching myself lately...and seeing how I've got it all turned around!  I came in to read an email from a very dear grad, and saw how they have it all turned around too!  Yesterday I was blazingly busy with enrollment for SuperAdvanced...thank God most of the grads I spoke with "get it" that this is their last opportunity AND Super is the portal to Level IV which is the way to continue this walk HOME with us.  March Journey is not faring as well so I sure hope you are doing what you can to get any last dear ones through!

Anyway, I finally made it to meditation later than hoped.  I had kept putting it off to get one more contract out, or one more call made, etc.  So, when I closed my eyes and really made the effort...WOW.  There God was in spades again.  So Patient.  So Kind.  So....LOVING.  I went to sleep in the Arms of ALL THAT IS and awoke in the Current.  I lay there basking in that Great Love and asked God to bring me back IN after I got up to use the "necessary room" as the British sometimes call it.  He did!

I saw everything so CLEARLY!  We have it all turned around!  We view this world and external life as REAL and important with a thousand duties taking centerstage, one by one.  Our interior life is relegated off to the side and the more '"busy" we become, the more it feels an onerous DUTY to stop and meditate!  HA!  It's a PRIVILEGE, NOT A DUTY!  I experience my commitments to spiritual study and mid-day meditation as an intrusion rather than a sacred opportunity....if I get them done at all!  I am so blessed to have the Teachings and the Techniques and the Teachers that I do.  What's wrong with me that I get everything all backwards?

Today Dennis jumped up out of bed and I could feel from his vibe that he had already bought into the bogus baloney that whatever is going on out there is really that important.  As the minister said at our retreat, or maybe it was at the Sunday sermon, we won't even remember what was 'important' or worrisome in a year.  If it's REALLY major, maybe 5 years.  Yet we continually allow this focus to dominate our lives! I asked Dennis to lay back down and just feel the Ocean of Love awaiting him right behind the fraud world!  We lay there together and discussed WISE PRIORITY.

Right underneath the cover of the sky is an all-consuming Ocean of Love!  As my Teacher sang, "O thou blue sky, under blue cover, hast thou hidden my Beloved Lord?  Open thy cover, let me discover, my Beloved Lord in thy heart of hearts!"

The ONE is LITERALLY ready and able to RAVAGE us with INCREDIBLE LOVE!  We spurn this eternal LOVE and turn instead to the tinsel and trash of this fraud world.  Can you comprehend the depth of our amnesia?  The only way we will be able to break this incredible attachment to Unreality, and the material universe, is through deep soul-binding meditation! (Now, a very beloved grad reads these who has an incredible Walk with Christ..."meditation" may not be the correct word for them...although I sure think it works good!)

WHATEVER WORKS TO WAKE YOU UP, JUST DO IT!!  I read a small bit of the Yoga of Jesus by my Teacher before falling asleep, and sure enough it appeared in my dreams.  Our souls are hungry for such nourishment...we must feed them as consistently and intently as we take in our 3 square meals a day!  Food just keeps the body going...meditation, sacred study, prayer, and worship keep our hearts and souls ALIVE and filled with JOY!

When I hear that someone is depressed, bored, angry...I know they are NOT Connecting INSIDE enough!  There is an ONGOING FOUNT OF LOVE awaiting each of us...we just must turn and walk in that Direction!!  We keep seeking outside...outside keeps letting us down.  How many times do we have to punish ourselves to learn this lesson?

We are Children of the ONE...we have a Kingdom of ENDLESS BLISS as our birthright!!!   Let's take one another's hands and Walk Together Home!  Let's remember the PRIVILEGE of meditation, study of sacred teachings, Right Environment and Association.  Every other goal in life is second...our Engagement with the ONE must be FIRST.  Then there will be no more frustration or fear or anger or depression.  We will be locked securely in the Love that is ALL there IS!

Have you got it turned around?  Does meditation...Seeking God...occupy the fringes on either end of your day with the useless fluff centerstage?  If so, turn it around so you ENJOY the Vast Ocean of Love you DESERVE!  The ONE is right there waiting for you...and always has been.

Loving you in the ONE, k

Be STILL and know that I AM GOD!

Good Afternoon!

One of the great blessings of the past weekend's spiritual retreat was a comment made by the minister regarding pratyahara or "withdrawal of the senses".  This is the fifth among Patanjali's eight Yoga Sutras.  All of our meditation techniques are to get us to the state of pratyahara...where we are truly "STILL, both mentally and physically,  and can know God". Then we continue to move into the higher steps mentioned by Patanjali. While meditating, every time we move our bodies, scratch an itch, wipe a tear, we re-engage with the senses!  Our mind never really quiets as it is always interacting with the external world in some way. 

I arose early on Sunday morning to accomplish 3 hours of sitting before the group meditation officially began.  I decided to sit STILL...and ignore the myriad ways the body was calling out to me.  I got my spine as straight as I could, I got myself situated with meditation blanket, etc. in place and dove in.  I did not move at all until the time I had to pick up my armrest, then my kriya mala for those techniques.  WHAT A DIFFERENCE.  By controlling my more or less ongoing impulse to move to satisfy this tactile demand or that, I was able to go much deeper into the inner silence.  I have been practicing this body stillness at every meditation since, as has Dennis, and we are both doing much, much better in regards to the depth of our meditations.  We are also not bringing one another out of focus with distracting noise and movement.

I suggest you set a reasonable amount of time you commit to absolute stillness during meditation.  Our Level IV group is committed to two hours daily meditation this month, upleveling to 3 hours in April.  They are also committed to sitting absolutely still for at least one of those hours.  Understand the body will throw everything it can at you to endeavor to engage you.  Trust me, if you patiently wait it out, the annoying sensations WILL go away.  I had poison oak on my feet this weekend.  I noticed there was hardly any itchy demand in meditation.  Why?  Because with the withdrawal of the senses, I just didn't FEEL the itch!   That is what happens when you are still.  Eventually, you won't feel the cold or heat or hear the noise constantly generated by our modern society.  Yes...it takes time to go to that depth...so what?  When you arrive (and I have only partially attained the state) the quiet and inward depth is absolutely incomparable.   I had the desire to stay in it on and on!

One possible movement caveat.  If you notice you are definitely out of straight spine alignment, you can make small movements to adjust.  Yet, the ego would like nothing better than to have a field day with this permission.  So...small, silent, discreet adjustments are what I am referring to.  And, this is not to make you more "comfortable".  Body comfort must be forgotten.  These slight movements are only to allow the energy to go easily up the spine!  Once you are really "gone" though, and I remember this from the Dark, you really don't care and choose to forego ANY movement lest it take away the wonderful silence and stillness enveloping your being.

Those of you who have been experiencing "no results" from meditation (an impossibility by the way), try this and see what incredible depth awaits.  Those of you who are already doing well....hold on to your hats!  This "no movement" practice will take you much deeper, FAST!

Loving you in the STILLNESS, k

Self-Forgiveness and Disentanglement

Good Morning!

Just back from my weekend spiritual retreat at the SRF Hermitage....and I am definitely in the FLOW.  If you are choosing a pick-me-up, or a attitude adjustment, or even a good kick in the pants on your Path...give yourself the treat of a RETREAT!

Much I could write about after such an experience and I am choosing SELF-FORGIVENESS!

We were given an incredible technique on Communion with the Saints just before departing.  I had heard it before and forgotten...and boy is it a good' un.  Picture the Saint with whom you wish to commune in your Spiritual Eye (the point between the eyebrows.)  Reflect on the dominant quality you feel that saint exemplified and bring it into your heart.  Merge with that quality as much as possible...and soon you will feel the presence and vibration of the saint.  You may even see the saint at the spiritual eye.

I awoke in the night and used this technique to commune with my Beloved John the Baptist.  I have gotten to know Him much better through my reading of Emmerich's book previously mentioned.  He has such incredible humility.  He only saw His Beloved Christ a couple of times physically, although He was in regular Communion with HIM.  The technique worked as predicted.  Perhaps it was being in the Light of such a One, and the exquisiteness of His Development, but I became painfully, very painfully aware of my myriad of shortcomings.  More than that...I felt terrible remorse and sorrow for the misdeeds of lifetimes.  I felt utterly unworthy.  When I beseeched Him, and the other Great Ones, and GOD for forgiveness, it was patently obvious They had forgiven me long ago.  It was ME who had not forgiven myself!!  I suddenly saw how I was attached to this dark part of my ego.  I was all tangled up in it and the ego was using it to control me. 

I saw clearly that as long as I was so identified, the ego would project out it's suffering.  I will give you a little example.  I was at Temple with the other retreatants on Sunday when the ushers allowed a non-retreatant to go into the rows reserved for us.  I knew that meant a retreatant would not have their reserved space.  I informed both the ushers present that this person was sitting in our place and they elected to leave things the way they were.  Of course the last retreatant did not have their spot.  I was upset...quickly losing the deep sense of peace I had been enjoying after a weekend of spiritual focus and extra meditation.  Finally, I reflected on what I was doing to myself.  Then, I honestly asked if the cause was really about the poor displaced retreatant.  Nope!  I was triggered because of my deep need to be in control, and to be right!
Wow!  When I had the experience last night, I realized those 'needs' are within me because I am subconsciously and consciously beating myself up...because I do not forgive myself!  My ego is out of control and my ego is continuously making me wrong!  No wonder I am struggling with control issues and the need to be right!

Some of my largest flaws, then, are promulgated because I lack self-forgiveness!  I also saw how I have created victim-hood scenarios and persecutions from time to time.  Of course!  If I believe I deserve to suffer for my past errors I will set up the circumstances to allow this to happen.  I am MAGNETIZING these negative experiences because of my unloving feelings toward my own self!!

I see this whole 'apparatus' of ego overshadowing my sweet, and ever-pure soul.  It has become entangled with the ego-mess, and it has forgotten it's purity and perfection.  The Great Ones and God are doing all They can to assist me to my Freedom.  However, to the extent I feel I deserve to suffer,  to that extent will I lack FAITH that They can really help!

So many things of this nature came clear in the night..and in my meditation this morning.  I see that karma is a function of the soul's IDENTIFICATION with the ego...and what the ego has done!  When the soul finally breaks free and again identifies with it's ESSENCE and SOURCE, THERE IS NO MORE KARMA!!  There is no longer a connection between the ego and the soul!  The darkness vanishes as though it had never been!

I know most if not all of us have this same predilection I have described.  I see so much self-sabotage and self-destructive behavior and decision among those with whom we work.  I do believe the etymology of that self-abnegation is rooted in self-blame and lack of forgiveness of oneself!  I believe the hyper-critical person, the judger, the nay-sayer, is just PROJECTING OUT THEIR PAIN!!!  You do understand, through our own forgiveness of our current flaws and past missteps, we will become much gentler, kinder, more patient and loving people?

As Sri Yukteswar said, the past of all men is dark with many shames!  We must just let it go and MOVE FORWARD IN THE LIGHT!

God and the Great Ones have forgiven us and long forgotten our checkered pasts.  They only choose our disentanglement from the ego and quick movement into the freedom of the Community of Saints!

Every chance we get we must affirm our essential GOODNESS.  When we fall we don't need to beat upon ourselves!  Rather, we must just get up and CHOOSE AGAIN RIGHTLY!!  True, we must develop our discrimination that we don't keep stumbling over the same pitfalls...but our forgiveness of ourselves must be immediate, and our affirmation of our true and holy value must be paramount.

Let us keep seeing the holiness within ourselves and others...WE DESERVE TO BE FREE!

Loving you in the PERFECTION YOU ARE! k