Source Seminars

Underneath the waves

Good Day!

Today I was enjoying the magic work of yesterday's 6 hour meditation.  Although my first hour was over-thought I started to sink beneath the waves of this outer life during the remainder of my morning meditation.  Even a small reflection upon my first hour thoughts revealed them to be what they are: surface nonsense!  Safely in my cave of silence beneath the roar of maya's illusory ocean of earthly life, I observed all the surface drama raging.  THIS is precisely why I am such a proponent of meditation.  THIS is why it is fundamental to my spiritual path.  It takes one quickly beneath the false reality of the external world....below the confident staging and exaggerated importance of just about EVERYTHING, and allows one to steep in the Sea of Contentment and "all's right with my world" attitude.

I emerged even-minded and steady.  I went about my day with ease and grace and knowingness.  I came home to receive a most disparaging missive in my inbox.  I shared some of the sentiments with my daughter...who with her solid, age-old wisdom, immediately responded "PROJECTION".  She pointed out if people don't keep their commitments to themselves, if they don't follow through with the changes they have decided upon and the tools to keep themselves in high frequency, chances are they will blame somebody else.  Yep!

Each of us must keep the "fixing" eye on ourselves.  If we are wont to criticize and see something wrong "out there", we have forgotten the focus must be on ourselves...we are the only ones who we can change.  We can't even see anything out there "wrong" if it isn't already "wrong" in ourselves.  If we begin to see "error" outside, best get the ol' scalpel out and start dissecting our own psyches!

In my particular case, I've ASKED for ego-dissolution, so I may as well get used to it!  I should not be surprised when it comes...but instead wonder what took so long for it to arrive.  I will continue my daily swims underneath the drama currents, the projection maelstrom, the 'victim" mentality.  If necessary I will start taking an extra mid-day dip as well. 

Folks...with the external getting more and more frayed, and the concomitant reaction of ill-prepared all-too-human humanity, each of us better get out our flak jackets and dust them off!  It's just the start.  Our demolition training begins with morning meditation.  If we choose to maintain our peace among the blamers and complainers and finger-pointers, we better not make that meditation appointment "optional".  The outer is fast becoming our huge motivator to find the peace within that is becoming hard to find without.

I will continue to expose my clay feet, and authentically tell you when I'm struggling...my ego doesn't much like it, AND I DON'T CARE!  Pleasing your egos and my ego will not see me HOME.  I will keep seeking and when I find something that assists I will share it with you.  That's my job.  Your job is to take what assists, and leave the rest.  We ARE in this together....FREEDOM FIGHTERS to the sweet end of the DREAM.  WAKE UP, I  say, to you and I.  Let's go swimming in the peaceful Sea of Meditation, at the bottom of the ocean of illusion!

With LOVE! k

We gotta have heart!

Good Morning!                                                                                        
A wonderful grad responded to my last post with an insightful email.  I have permission to reprint it here.   Recalling I had mentioned my feelings about what I had "done" as I had re-connected with an old friend who had done many amazing things in the world and was quite well-known.

The grad wrote:                                                                                                                     
                                  "

The world is so odd isn't it? It's hard in a lot of ways. And we are so hard on ourselves, aren't we?

I always think of Bill Gates after he has transitioned. running up to God to tell him what he did, kinda like I remember when my dad would show up to my little league games (often a little late coming home from the ship) when I was a kid... "Dad, did you see me catch that hit to the outfield!? I also hit a double earlier...and I got a ground ball earlier and threw a boy out at first ". I distinctly remember getting mad as the other parents would kinda laugh as I explained it to my dad over the fence as I ran to the outfield to go take my position on the field for the next inning... Him yellin "great job edward... So proud of you... Go get em!". So funny.. I think of Bill Gates running up to God goin "did you see that huge company I created?? Did you see that software I wrote?? All those people workin for me? " God giving him a big hug going "that is so good bill(y), you did such an amazing job..". Those same parents kind of giggling at bill...

Funny imagery to me... Somehow I don't think God gives much of a sh-t about what we actually do... It's all really pretty small in the scheme of things. So what really matters? Hmm, I guess my best guess would be something like my Source I Cradle Song, edwin mcain's "it's the heart that really matters."   And some hearts are amazing, kanta...so amazing."

That grad is absolutely right, y'know.   Sitting in the dome today, doing my 6 hour with Bobbi, it was so obvious.  God doesn't care how perfectly I do my techniques (not to say that isn't important), or that I distract myself with this or that minor matter or folly, or that I sometimes eat too much, or the wrong things, God cares that I love God more than anything else!

Where does my heart keep returning...bottom-line, what is the Primary object of my devotion, the absolute GOAL of my life?  If all else failed, and yet I accomplished the ONE most important thing...what ONE thing would be absolutely ENOUGH!  The answer must be GOD if it's GOD we are choosing to have THIS LIFETIME!  God must own our hearts...it's that simple.

One of my favorite prayers/affirmations says it so well: 

The first love of my heart

The first ambition of my soul

The first goal of my will and reason is.....

GOD ALONE!

We gotta have heart...and our hearts must belong to The ONE.

Loving you! k

                                                                          

                                                                  

A look from the "outside"

Good Evening!

After 4 decades I found an old dear friend on FB...someone I had hoped to find again for many years.  I marveled at the amount of emotion this brought up for me.  This was  an association of youth and vulnerability that only the naivete of the young and inexperienced can bring.  Again, I am sure the timing is no coincidence.  I have asked, and now I am being given, all the circumstances to sand down the rough ego.

What this particular eventuality has provided is the acute awareness that there is much, much buried under the surface.   Karmic "stuff" and unresolved issues.  My Teacher will bring me the circumstances to reveal them...and then i must work to do the necessary to de-energize and clear them. 

What if every time my stuff came up I said, "Oh boy...my next load of work to be done to get Home!"  True HOMEwork!  How differently I would approach each challenge.

Today I got to view my life and my direction from a worldly person's perspective.  It looked a bit strange, nay, unconventional, to say the least.  From the world's yardstick I have not done much...and my lifestyle is hardly one of traditional "success".   My ego was a tad embarrassed...and then I realized I wouldn't choose it any other way.  It gave me compassion and understanding for those I know who are in the position of introducing me and the Source work to others.  Not always an easy thing to do ;-).

My path, my values, my heart's desires lay far from the world and what the world esteems.  Yet,  I notice that I wish nothing less for those I love...which is each one with whom I have become Connected.  Freedom for myself is not enough...I must have Freedom for as many as will have it!

Take stock of your life.  How is it looking from the "outside".  If it's looking "too good" to the masses, perhaps it's time to resort your priorities.  God First is hardly popular...rarely understandable...yet it is The Necessary if you are choosing Home this time around!

Loving you! k

"We do not visit Kashmir"

Good Morning!

The title of the blog is the title of a chapter in the Autobiography of a Yogi.  It tells of the time Yogananda had determined to go to Kashmir and everything that could possibly happen to stop Him, did!
Eventually He realized that His guru, Swami Sri Yukteswar, was behind the thwarting of his valiant attempts to proceed.   As He collapsed with symptoms of the dread Asiatic cholera, His guru, tenderly putting Yogananda's head on His lap, said "You see what would have happened if you were at the station with your friends.  I had to look after you in this strange way, because you chose to doubt my judgment about making this trip at this particular time."

I have been having a very similar experience although no symptoms of cholera have set in!  Having very few, but very committed, enthusiastic enrollees in the next training along with a jewel of a Staff, I re-doubled my efforts to have enough participants to create a training.  Repeatedly people would appear and commit, and then  just as suddenly disappear from the enrollment rolls.  Even yesterday, having given myself an ultimate deadline of 5PM, two people came on board, and then jumped ship.  In all my many years of doing this work, I have never experienced anything like this!  Then twice yesterday the title of this chapter came floating into my mind seemingly for no reason.  Ha!  My guru had resorted to this broad hint that He, or perhaps His Teacher, was behind these befuddling events!

But, sadly, there is more.  Yesterday morning I had clear and deep Guidance to pull the plug on the training at 5PM if I lacked the necessary number of attendees.  I watched with despair as the hours marched through the day.  What was grabbing at my heart, and clouding my judgment, were the tremendously "on board" participants.  Disappointing them was ravaging me with grief.  I honestly would have chosen to take a bullet rather than make the phone calls telling them not to come.  Dennis, feeling my deep emotional pain, proposed a "solution" that assisted me to avoid the inevitable.  We could let the participants themselves decide....I took to this idea immediately...anything to stave off being the messenger of such bad news.  It was evident last evening that something was amiss in this proposal.  I awoke several times in the night, and each time, while still in the Current, asked what we should do.  "Pull the plug" came again and again.  I got up before 4 and put in my 3 hours.  Still the same answer, and others as well.   Avoiding my dharma and side-stepping my responsibility to do the necessary, would end up being very costly indeed.

Emerging from the dome, I marched directly to the phone and did what I should have the day before at 5PM.  I had been given very specific instructions, and even when there was some wiggling around it was easy to hold my ground.  I had paid strong dues for not following direct Guidance...and I sure wasn't going to see that happen again!

All along I knew it was me that was causing my pain.  I would mutter, "My heart hurts" and immediately retort,"You are hurting your heart."  I also experienced how much harder it was to be the conduit of taking something away from someone else, than depriving myself.  "Hurting" others was WAY more painful!  This was something I had not realized about myself.  I clearly saw how I was willing to forsake my integrity, forget my Guidance, avoid the necessary, to protect someone else, and thusly myself, from feeling upset or unhappy.  Whew!  That was quite a lesson.

I witnessed how my "I am not the doer" mantra failed in the light of day...as I defined myself absolutely as the cause of pain.  I bloodied my fist again and again against the continuing tide of circumstances that were NOT in my power to control.  I surrendered, then took it back, surrendered then took it back, over and over again.   Lastly I saw and understood that I was not doing anything both in the training OR OUT.  When the Divine pulled the plug...nothing worked, nothing happened.  It is the Divine that has been recruiting all these years, not me!  Graphically, I grokked, I who deemed myself a giver, was but a witness!

This morning both Den and I are feeling pretty beat up.  This was quite a fighting match between the ego and the ONE.  Ha!  What WAS I thinking?  I am also feeling very lamblike and subdued in the-lion-is-definitely-tamed kind of way.  I wouldn't THINK of going against my Guidance and what I know to be Divine Will, no matter who or what challenged me. 

Of course I concluded my devotions with "O Divine Sculptor, chisel Thou my life according to Thy Design.  Change No Circumstance in my life, Change me!!"

Round Two...here we come.

Loving you! k

The Lesson Plan

Good Day!

As you may well know, I have had the strangest two weeks of my life.  In fact, I believe it started earlier, perhaps January 5th, my Teacher's Birthday.  You may recall Den and I got the last two seats in the Temple for His celebration and I was filled with gratitude.  When I approached the altar and knelt before His visage, I uttered a prayer from the depths of my heart.  I asked that He and God and the Great Ones and Saints do WHATEVER was necessary, body, mind, and soul to allow me to have my Freedom in this life.  They listened.  So many things started breaking...at once!  They have also continued to do so.  My computer, at this moment, is totally non-functional.  The human element is "interesting" as well.  When I spoke to our longtime computer repairman, normally so even and business-like, he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown...literally!  I said something like, "I guess we will see you down the road, when things are back to normal?"  "I dunno" was his unexpected reply.  Dennis called more than half a dozen repair people in the area and most numbers were disconnected.  I phoned someone referred through a church directory and the phone rang in the Sprint store!  It is now the number for a "display" phone.  No telling what happened to that poor guy.

More striking than having so many electronics and appliances go out at once, is the very unusual pre-training phenomena.  We have had so many people in and out of their commitment to attend, it is like a revolving door.  While I was Energizing, Den handed me the phone, and the fellow who had decided to attend last night was backing out.  I went to the dome and laid my burdens at the Holy Feet.  I have noticed one big improvement...I don't worry much.  It's going to be what it's going to be...and it certainly is out of my hands.  We worry about future what-ifs.  What a consummate waste of time and energy!  If we have the wisest perspective we will remember that things unfold as they are meant, to wake us up as quickly as possible.

I have not overcome my sad reaction when someone decides not to come to Source.  When I am able to do so, no doubt I will have made tremendous progress.  I had sent emails out early this morning clarifying that I must know whether people would be coming.  The first two emails were declines and I noted the next was a voice-mail.  I was sure it would be similar and the writing was on the wall.  Pull the plug on this training, I was thinking.  The voice-mail, contrary to all expectation, was a Yes!  I watched my emotions go from dismal to jubilant, my step from flagging to briskly joyful.  The external still has me in the palm of it's slippery hand!

The Truth is....my Teacher isn't even being subtle about things.  The crazy merry-go-round vibe of all that's been happening could never be considered coincidence.  Over and over again I am reminded I have no control, I am not the doer, the outcome is not mine!!  I know I will be given lessons until I learn them!  These lessons aren't particularly fun.  Please, I pray, assist me to get them!

Reviewing my syllabus I see the following:
Detachment
Surrender
Selfless service
Even-mindedness under ALL Circumstances
Unceasing Faith...Full Faith that all will be as it is meant to be
Unruffled Patience
Full Trust...God and the Great Ones DO HAVE MY BACK!!

I asked for Them to give me the necessary and it's coming non-stop!  I am of a "certain age".  I don't have long years to get the overhaul done.  Apparently they agree. 

I smile through my tears as I know all this is coming from LOVE.  Things just aren't like they used to be...all the old givens are gone.  Give God permission to take out the sledgehammer, God takes out the sledgehammer.

It's worth it.  Those around me think I am crazy to keep saying the same prayers:  O Divine Sculptor, Chisel Thou My Life According to Thy Design.  Change No Circumstance in My Life, Change Me!
How else is it going to happen?  My ego is thick and brittle...it must be mercilessly chipped away.  Everything around me seems unstable and shifting...isn't that how it is when big objects are moved?

The world seems to be getting a similar pounding.  Creation appears to be acting in concert to remove the hard core of egoism and reveal the sweet nougat of Divinity Inside.  Just remember, every blow is inflicted to break us out of the bonds of ego-control.  Painful? Yes.  Effective? Yes...and a thousand times more so if we can embrace the blows as our Lover in disguise.

Loving you! k

FAITH AND TRUST

Good Sunday!

As I was listening to the sermon in church this morning, I realized, for me, it all comes back to Faith and Trust.  Of course, bottom line, my sole motivation must be to Please God!  I must continually ask for Guidance so I am doing the  necessary and expected footwork.  Then...I must have Faith and Trust that God will create the circumstances and outcome that serve my soul (and ALL souls) best!

The ONE is doing every possible thing to pry me away from external props of security and comfort.  It is SO OBVIOUS!  As all the old familiar things are taken away...and the typical results, or expectations based on typical results, are removed...what I have left is FAITH AND TRUST.  Assumptions I have made based on YEARS of experience are being questioned.  I now see that it was His Hidden Hand behind every victory or success.  How funny that I ever believed "I" was doing anything.

I am grateful that the ONE is doing this marvelous WAKE-UP on me.  My erroneous thinking has only made me mountains of karma...as doing without being does that.  I don't even pretend to understand the big or small picture of what's going on...I only KNOW that FAITH and TRUST in the ONE are my ONLY lifeline...my ONLY alternative, really.

God knows best!  I will do my quiet footwork, and leave the rest to Him!

In FAITH and TRUST, k

Joyful WELCOMING of what comes...

Good Day!

I really enjoy Connecting with you because it forces me to both clarify my thoughts and feelings and also to clearly define a plan of action to put the spiritual input coming from meditation into my life in a concrete way.

Today was again a little weepy as circumstances presented in ways the ego found disappointing.  I have no desire to have the ego cloud me this way.  My heart's desire is to welcome each and every circumstance, event, interaction as the very next step in God's Plan to Free my Soul!  I am so weary of thinking I could possibly know better...of feeling it needs to be this way or that for things to work out.  I firmly believe it is my faulty sense of I KNOW BEST that got me into this incarnational mess in the first place!  Now it's time to say yes-um, yes-um, yes-um...dis sho am good!...no matter what's coming down the pike!!

When I do that...when I am soft, vulnerable, and accepting, I may feel quite an ache in my heart.  I then ask God and the Great Ones to put Their Healing Hands there and purify my heart.  I can truly feel Them doing so.  In fact, when I just surrender in the face of whatever I am struggling with, I tangibly FEEL Their Presence embracing and encouraging me.

So this is where I am at today.  I am endeavoring to appreciate, more than that, JOYFULLY ACCEPT whatever comes into my world...no matter how big or small.  I am resolving to REMEMBER God is giving me these things, large or insignificant, so that I can work through whatever barriers there are to my full Realization this lifetime. 

As I was showering, tears blending with the water, I repeated over and over, with emphasis on the different words ;-), I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO BREAK FREE!!

I know it's getting crazy "out there" and we are being challenged on many levels.  Fear, doubt, change are but the harbingers of the new, stream-lined, ego-stripped versions of our pristine Selves.  These times are providing the opportunity for INCREDIBLE Spiritual growth and change.  It matters how we take what comes to us!!  If we frame these circumstances as the loving actions of a loving ONE to pry us out of our numbed delusion, and get us ALIGNED with the REAL, we will be deeply thankful for every single circumstance.  They are only negative, disappointing, "scary" if we let the ego make the definitions!   We can decide they are empowering, transforming, ego-demolishing experiences which we choose to embrace with LOVE, TRUST, and COURAGE.

Bring it on, I say, BRING IT ON!!  I choose my Freedom and I KNOW the ONE is giving me just what I require to HAVE IT!!

Loving you courageously, k

Pleasing man is over-rated

Good Morning!

Whatever happened yesterday kept me in the happiest frame of mind I have experienced in a long time!  I have been absolutely bubbling!  I realize one of the greatest burdens of my life has been the dread that I might do the wrong thing...mess something up...fail myself or others.  Once I transferred the burden of my will to Divine Will....letting go of 'mine' and giving it over to the ONE...Wow!  I continue to ask Guidance for directions...do the best I can...but now I don't even think about possible outcome.  Who knows what may happen?  It doesn't matter...I choose for it to be all God's choice.

I also completely Trust that the ONE has got my back and each moment and circumstance is unfolding to fully Connect me up as soon as it pleases the ONE to do so.  I have taken "me" out of the equation...and removal of major ego consciousness and desire definitely makes life MUCH happier all around.  I also know there is a ton of ego left...but my focus isn't there...it's on pleasing the ONE.  I just keep bringing myself back to that idea and things are SO MUCH EASIER!!  I realize this may well be a temporary state...and I choose to be in the NOW and savor it as long as it lasts.

I got up super early so I could get my med in before Mass started at 8AM.  A singular thing happened at church and I have been turning it over.  When I went up to Communion I had the usual sweet energetic exchange with the priest.  I then turned to receive the sip of wine symbolic of the blood of Christ.  The woman offering this just glowered at me, and at first I didn't think she was even going to offer it to me.  After I had taken a drink, she looked into the chalice and frowned, as if I taken too much.  I was in a really good space yet still...my ego was definitely tweeked.  I reflected and knew God chose for me to have this experience.  I believe I was worked to remind me it matters not a fig what anyone else thinks, or does, save GOD ALONE.  I had already confirmed that it was most pleasing to the ONE that I was there, and receiving Communion...so I must resolutely put aside any desire to please or receive acceptance from anyone else.

I may not be your typical pleaser, but I assure you, my ego seeks as much approval as anyone else's!    It has been an ongoing thorn that Taj is SO unenthusiastic with me, in comparison to his over-the-moon reception of Dennis...or Charan ...or Sundari...or...or...(fill in Any name here.) 

I notice when God starts a certain lesson, it usually comes  repetitively.  In fact I just received an email from a grad who responded to a query about taking the next training in which they are enrolled, "I'm still open to Source events, and look at the blog sometimes, but I'm just not interested in going further with you." 

Ah, yes.  It looks like the ego may be in line for some interesting 'hits'. We'll see what the weekend brings...with several Source activities planned.  I am committed to staying cheerful and even-minded regardless of what comes my way.  If I am pleasing God and my Teachers, I will be content.  My Teacher said it much more poetically:
"If all the gods are wroth, and yet Thou art satisfied with me, I am safe in the fortress of Thy pleasure."

My new jingle: Several Lessons a day keep maya-delusion away (and the ego at bay!)

Loving you, k

Sweet Surrender

Very Good Morning!

I choose to be able to put on paper the essence of what happened to me in the dome today...love isn't love until you share it!

As you have heard, the past several days have been very tear-filled times in the dome.  The phrase I got today was "Crucible of Love".   I don't exactly know what is happening but I know I am really being worked.   I have read some accounts of monastic folk over the years and since outer distractions are largely absent,  most of their struggles and challenges are inside...with mental and emotional strongholds of delusion. I know everything IS projection...so those hurdles and stresses outside in the fraud world our created by ourselves as they are what our minds and emotions believe is true.   These outer difficulties are actually just reflections of our inner work yet to be done. 

I now feel like much of my struggle is moving interior as well.  Plenty still going on out there, of course, yet when in the dome the inner is exposed in raw indignity.  It is exquisite to see how my God and my Great Ones are manipulating my current life experience to get the most mileage for my personal/spiritual development.  Exquisite...exquisitely painful and exquisitely beautiful, depending on what side of the learning I am on!

I have had Guidance that God is choosing to have the January Source Journey, as you know.  Recruitment for that has been absolutely comical..for lack of a better word.  My daughter's boyfriend is my accountability partner just now...as he is doing all he can to unearth his next occupation in this "interesting" economy, and I am doing the best footwork possible to get this training into manifestation.  We are supporting each other via daily phone calls.  Last night I had to report some "interesting" news.  I still chuckle when I hear his incredulous voice, "You mean those folks you said were coming, AREN'T...but now there are some others that might?"  Yes...that's how it's been... 2 steps forward, 1 step back.  All for "very good reasons" of course.

Today in domeland I got such clarity...straight from the Big Guy.  "I choose that training but I didn't say YOU had to manifest it!"  Finally, I so astutely grasped how all this change and up and down and lack of stability with regard to the training has been put in place to TEACH me I can't do anything about it!!    A passage in the Autobiography of a Yogi comes vividly to mind.

"Do not imagine that rice sustains you nor that money or men support you.  Could they aid if the Lord withdraws your life breath?  They are His instruments merely.  Is it by any skill of yours that food digests in your stomach?  Use the sword of discrimination....! Cut through the chains of agency and perceive the Single Cause!"

The Sweetness of Surrender to Divine Will poured over me...I felt deep peace at last.  My Lord asked me to phone you blog subscribers and give what support I could.  God and the Great Ones are doing the work related to recruitment.  O to be sure, I do what comes to me to do...and I so clearly know success or failure is ALL in the hands of the Divine.

In the amusing-teasing way the Great Ones often illustrate Their point, I had an obvious demonstration of this fact yesterday.  I had called back east to speak to a couple of grads.  While doing so I inquired of a certain person living back there who had indicated interest in the training at least 18 months past. I had never heard a word from him again. Our grads were going to check into it.  Within TWO HOURS this old lead phoned me!  No, he had NOT spoken to the grads.  He said all of a sudden he and his wife started talking about Source for 5 minutes or so, and he picked up the phone!  For me it was a graphic demonstration that I am not doing anything.  The Great Ones and God have all in hand and things will happen on Their time and in Their way!

I think many of us are facing "interesting" times just now.  We must responsibly and even dutifully respond to what comes to us...to what's on our plate, so to speak.  But let us each remember where the Abundance is coming from.  It may flow THROUGH us, but it doesn't flow from us.  The Great Current and Light is what is doing it All...and we who deem ourselves "doers" are but witnesses!

Like a cherry atop a cake, the significance of this whole "I am NOT the doer", "I am in Sweet Surrender" experience came when I emerged from the dome and into the first phone call coming in.  The grad calling said she had had a profound read last night in Yogananda's interpretation of the Bhagavad Gita.  "I read it over and over" she said.  "Really?", I responded, "What did it say?"

"When a person dies without having cast off all desires, he remains tied to rebirth on earth.  Hence the renunciant not only forsakes evil desires that deeply entangle the soul in the insatiable weavings of lust for sense objects, but also does away with all personal good desires, as these may also enmesh one in earthly longings.  (Noble inclinations and spiritual ambitions that are free of ego and selfish interest, and are motivated solely by a wish to please God, are desireless desires and carry no binding effects.)"

There's the territory folks.  It's time to unhook "us" from what we are doing and attach ourselves to the desireless desire and incredibly blissful Surrender of doing naught but to please the ONE.  Knowing in our hearts that we are committed only to God's Will be Done, we are ever content with whatever outcome manifests.  We are free...utterly free, in the flow of the Infinite Will!

I have two prayer requests for you today.  First, Bobbi's court case on the re-establishment of her disability payments, which she fully deserves, is today and tomorrow.  Second, I ask you pray that Source Seminars may manifest exactly as God and the Great Ones desire as a conduit for the Awakening and Re-Awakening of each person involved.  Your prayers for both are so deeply appreciated only to Please and Serve the ONE!

Loving you always, k

"I love myself, I am gentle with myself"

Good Morning!

I have no idea where to go with this one...so much happened out in the dome today.  Wow...what a weep-fest.  I felt as if I was going to melt right through the floor.  One of the causes of my pain is that I feel such tremendous Love and Connection for and with the One and my Great Ones in the dome...and then come in and forget all about the ONE ...in the past.  Today has been different...perhaps because I prayed and cried so much for some change.  At the moment, I am still Remembering... feeling the great Protection, Love, and Guidance of the ONE and my Teachers.

I am choosing to get across how the way we think and treat ourselves...in every aspect of our lives...is invariably entwined with the way we think of and interact with others...be they strangers, family, or friends.

Garbage in, garbage out.  When we identify with our egos' faults, and then subsequently berate ourselves...that defamation is going to come out on others, mostly in judgment, spoken or not. 

I saw this so clearly today in the dome.  I have a tendency to beat the crap out of my ego...I see pictures in my mind of me doing this.  I often offer God to do whatever God chooses to do to me (always negative) in order to make me suitable!   In order to wash away past misdeeds (remembered, or not) so that I can be clean and whole and fully admissible to that Kingdom of Love and Light.   

I understood today how patently unfair this is to the Pure and Perfect Soul within me.  God only heals with Love...anything less is stemming from my ego-self.  As Dennis is fond of saying...you can't heal the mind with the mind.  Well...you can't heal the ego with the ego...or ego-means either!

The second part of this paradigm is that IF we do choose to be self-violent, we will end up projecting that violence as well!  It does not stay within...that negative energy must go somewhere.  It goes out.  If you observe, even the meek and passive often have violent tempers if pushed!  In the training, I have often observed how self-denigrating individuals are extremely judgmental of others.

It comes down to this...we are either creating more love and peace or more anger, hatred, and war.  Look around...pretty obvious, right?

Experiencing the all-compassionate Love of the ONE, I also clearly saw how we are ALL doing the best we can.  Truly.  We are each where we are at in our own long journey...what good does it do to criticize at all?  If folks are still on their outward, self-destructive spiral we can extend a hand.  If they bite it off, we step away and let them find their own way.  We DON'T have to engage!

I realized today what happens to me in the dome, at least of late, is very akin to the burning we do at the training.  My heart is really opening up...and in doing so much is being released and purified.  It's painful, no doubt about it.  With the open heart, the frequency increases...and all of lesser frequency comes forward for processing.  Not a pretty picture...and yet, it IS all ego stuff.  By the end of my time there, thank GOD, I remember I am the Soul, and I AM LOVED!

At a workshop long ago, I learned a little tune, "I love myself, I am gentle with myself."
Let's each make a Conscious decision to be GENTLE with ourselves, to be LOVING to ourselves, to stop judging ourselves!  In so doing, we will also be gentle, loving, and non-judgmental toward any who come into our lives!

Loving you, truly.  k